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How to Value Your Life and Yourself, Even During the Craze of the Holidays

By: Natalie Viglione, based on ideas from Kute Blackson's Vlog

· Tips for Life,Change Your Life

You don’t have to be down with the dysfunction, or be made to think that dysfunction is actually functioning… Dysfunction is not healthy, and toxic environments can make you feel like you've stepped into a black abyss. Never feel like you have to devalue who you are to fit into dysfunction… EVER!

You know, dysfunction that feels and looks (or maybe is) a lot like this:

CREDIT: SNL YouTube

While that’s a funny take on the awkwardness with funny people, this is a reality for many during the Holidays. Maybe not quite so drastic, but the feeling of unhappiness is so thick you can cut it. The hardest time to remember that you don’t have to accept dysfunction is usually during the crazy, crazy Holidays (aka holidaze). Not EVERYONE has the wonderful experience to be around families (mostly) and/or friends (because you choose those, but sometimes your souls don’t jive anymore) that make you swoon. It’s quite typical to get stuck in scenarios where certain persons push our buttons (big time), and we feel we're changing who we are to "fit in."

For example, maybe you’re around parents or family members in general that don’t even try to have a real relationship with you (how many times can we talk about the weather, or about other superficial things? Or, get a barrage of guilt-ridden or nasty comments, etc.), or perhaps you’re in a marriage and have in-laws that treat you plainly like a big ole’ poop emoji 💩because you’re “different” than them and you feel the iciness. Or, have to hear what you're wrong about or the silence treatment from every single time in one way or another, and so on and so on. If you’re one of the many people that deals with that kind of experience during a Holiday Season (or at any point throughout the year), here is some brilliant advice from the amazing, Kute Blackson. (We love Kute! By the way, did you catch his two transformational episodes on our podcast? If not, go here for Part 1 and here to listen to Part 2 ASAP)!

Kute hit the nail on the head in this recent vlog as it relates to this topic. I’ve spent the greater part of the last few years building a value system into my life when it comes to who I spend time with, especially family because I believe they should be friends first not “just family”. I’ve spent past Holidays, and many other days throughout some key years, uncomfortable and making myself physically ill because of situations I was trying to fit INTO. In some cases, I even tried to open my soul to specific persons to why that dysfunction doesn’t work and why it needs to stop as it hurts others and causes pain, only to be met with blank stares or anger because these are people who, at the end of the day, like and thrive the dysfunction and don’t want to hear truths or change as they're stuck in self-deprecating loops. But, I was being a victim of my circumstances, when the reality is that I was choosing to be there or the only one that was trying so I was not in control. Also, I was trying to fit a unicorn-shaped peg (that’s me) into uber square holes (I don’t do square anything). Situations when you can’t feel aligned and centered in places where we are not valued, those are the situations to change or to approach very differently. It wasn’t until late last year that I finally realized that I can take my power back and I can STOP being a victim and make other choices. Or, more appropriately, minimize the time spent in the situations, and fully control the situations, versus these situations controlling me.

Per Kute’s video message (watch his whole video below), and what I believe as well, here are three key points to remember to help you thrive better and change the situation:

  1. VALUE YOURSELF FIRST! You’re not OBLIGATED to be around anyone (family or otherwise) that make you dishonor yourself. Being in a place where you are not deeply aligned and inspired to be in is not a good environment, so if you feel devalued, if you must compromise your soul and be inside a toxic environment, then plainly don’t! Stop it, do not EVER compromise the very sense of who you are to make others feel comfortable. No one can MAKE you do anything, you make your own decisions.
     
  2. CHOOSE TO HONOR YOURSELF AND THE PEOPLE YOU TRULY WANT TO BE AROUND --  DON’T BE A VICTIM! Give yourself permission to love people that push your buttons but realize you don’t OWE anyone anything, and if you can’t be with them in a physical space because it is not an OK place to be, you must own your power to choose to separate. Choosing releases you from being a victim, and being responsible in that decision is how you honor yourself. If you choose to go and be around friends and/or family that are misaligned with your soul, OWN the choice to do so and in that you are able to take your power back because you accept the choice and plan accordingly for the situation.
  1. ACCEPT THE PERSPECTIVE. If you get upset and lose your position and control in that reality, remember that you’re trying to change people that won’t change EVER, that is unless THEY choose to. They cannot perceive their dysfunction because they live it every single day, and you do not. But, love yourself enough and do not accept any kind of abuse (control, dominance, guilt, emotionally tearing you down, lack of care or concern and ice-cold attitudes, physical abuse, etc. etc.) and make sure you are fully prepared both mentally and emotionally. Their perception is blocked, so you can be clear in your decision to not accept their dysfunction for yours. 

WATCH KUTE’S FULL VIDEO HERE FOR MORE DETAILS ON THE ABOVE AND WHAT IT CAN MEAN FOR YOU:

Thanks, Kute! 😊 Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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